I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
