That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
