Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
