Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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