i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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