What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
