you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
