i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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