Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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