the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
