I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so that wasnt chicken after all
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
