Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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