so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
