I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
