it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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