I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just google imaged poop.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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