have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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