so that wasnt chicken after all
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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