Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
