you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
