she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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