do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
