Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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