I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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