So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're like the curious george of whores
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
