I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
