Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
be right there i have to get my cape
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
