Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
