I need help removing her.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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