i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
