yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
