My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
