she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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