First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
