Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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