Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
