So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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