he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
