life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
