I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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