My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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