Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
