you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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