Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You took a bar mat shot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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