well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
