sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
