I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
they're like a gay fantastic four
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
