I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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