I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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