Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
my poor anus
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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