Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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