are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
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