distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
